Well, folks, I think I’ve hit the point of burnout.

Burnout: physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.

And it’s probably time for some honesty. Two Fridays ago, I drank 3 high gravity beers and proceeded to cry for an hour because I didn’t know what to do and how to handle certain problems that were popping up in my life. That following Sunday, I had a panic attack. For the past month I have been waking up thirty minutes before I need to be at work because I am so, so, so tired. My writing mocks me. I never have enough time. I haven’t exercised since January. I watch a lot of TV because my mind cannot handle anything else.

The other week, I had to call my mom and ask her for permission to take a day off from doing freelance work.

Speaking of freelance work, which I love doing, I am so tired when I get home from work that I want to cry thinking about everything I have to do. I have to paint the house. I just lost a shit ton of money to taxes. The sink is full of dirty dishes. I have freelance work to do and I haven’t written in a week. My daily prompts are helpful but not enough. There has been a ball of tight, silent anxiety hanging around in the pit of my stomach all day and it’s starting to make me want to curl up in a ball and sleep for the next year or two of my life while someone else works out all my shit.

SO. Burnout. What do I do now?

I have a plan. It’s called Paris.

I hadn’t actually planned to go to Paris in the midst of a mental burnout/breakdown, but the timing really is impeccable. I don’t feel ready for this trip. I’m thrilled and so excited and it actually makes me want to do things like pack—but I don’t feel ready. There’s too much to do beforehand, there’s too much to do after.

I’m shutting social media off while I’m there. I am not looking at my Facebook or email or Instagram or ANYTHING. I am going to be in Paris, mind and body, and I’m really praying that it is the power off and power on that I need in my life right now.

Do you deal with burnout/anxiety/depression stuffs? If so, how do you deal?

Paris, 2010

Paris, 2010